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1. Earthtym.net Review.
Grief is mentioned earlier in regard to Spirituality, Chronic Illnesses, and Energy Blocks. Below, I have extracted those sections from other Earthtym.net pages and assembled them here. They will provide you with a starting point and foundation for the remainder of this page.
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Session Planning: Precautions.
What you may feel from your visual-touch, which they will not, for experiences contributing to block building before their present life, can be the extreme terror, grief, shame, hate, confusion, or other destructive emotion which the original person who developed the block felt. If you are emotionally sensitive and aware enough to effect this, you will, on occasion, reach a point of tears, urgency, or despair. Touch-see it only long enough to clearly define it; then let it go. ...
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SENSUALITY: The Way of the Mountain
For those persons thrust into such NO-WIN RELATIONSHIPS severe self-imposed restrictions on one's Basic Personality and one's Ego can verge on self-hate. A person who cannot accept and love themselves has not forgotten how to love, they don't know what it is nor how to express and share it. No amount of shyness, perfectionism, subservience, overwork, sacrifice, or self-denial will bring them the love they crave --- yet cannot find --- because they cannot give it. This chronic presence of anxiety, shame, grief, intensity, frustration ... encourages depression. ALL lead in one direction: disease. ...
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Chronic Illness and Culture.
REALIZE WHAT CAN BE CHANGED and what cannot be changed.
... If the person has a certain kind of character problem that is interfering, you shouldn't expect that you will be able to change that. in fact, nobody may be able to. On the other hand, it it's a situational problem, then you can do a multitude of different things ... if you take the problem of depression, you often find that people become isolated because of a loss. They experience grief but this is perpetuated because of the consequence of depression, fatigue, not sleeping well, poor appetite and so on. They then have less energy to renew ties, to build new ties and move outside of the depressed position they are in, which causes them to be more isolated; and the more isolated they get, the more depressed they get and they get into a vicious circle.
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Health or Illness ? ... Clothing.
STRONG EMOTIONS can include:
love, hate, anger, frustration, anxiety, confusion, jealousy, grief.
If you do not have much variety in your clothing, note which colors and fabrics are missing. A balanced person will have either spontaneously or consciously chosen to eliminate as many potentially health compromising factors as possible. For a positive conscious decision, you have to have knowledge. You need to consciously know what your mind is already deciding for you. ...
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The Healthy Adult Character.
It is humility and reverence plus a positive determination to bring contentment to oneself and others which enables a healthy adult to face feelings of hate, vengeance, anger, rage, grief, sadness, depression ... and convert them through choices of action and inaction into feelings of empathy, forgiveness, relief, joy, hope, and love. We are not born with this range of expression nor these strategies for self-renewal. Our progression from an infantile stage of development to one of a healthy adult is a challenge for ourselves, our family, our culture ... to encourage within us the inner security necessary to risk error and rejection in order to reap benefits we can only often imagine before we experience them. ...
Prayer is a reverent acknowledgement for the healthy adult. The words are unimportant. It is the feeling which counts. It is the reverence which one feels for a creator who has given one choice and yet is always there to Guide. It is a reverence inspired by a parent who is more concerned for the benefit which the child can bring to itself and its surroundings than for the benefit that the child can bring to the parent. Prayer, for the healthy adult is also an expression of humility for one's ignorance, shame for one's weaknesses, sorrowfulness for one's failures, grief for one's losses, joy for one's successes, thankfulness for one's opportunities, gratitude for one's forgiveness, and commitment to improvement. ...
The healthy person expresses anger from time to time along with a full range of other emotions. A Healthy Adult is aware that there are constructive and destructive applications of all emotions. There can be a relevancy for their application. Anger can bring change to circumstances which are frustrating and abusive. Hate can bring commitment to creating widespread change away from destructive practices to ones which are more supportive. Grief can allow us to remember the goodness which we have enjoyed and allow us to package those memories with thankful reverence to support us into the future. ...
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Sexual Deviation: An Introduction.
A PREOCCUPATION WITH and excess in the use of masturbation often arises from a lack of parental and societal attention within an otherwise stimulus starved environment. To counter feelings of abandonment (fear-loss-grief-anger), boredom (frustration of curiosity and variety), and depression (inactivity and isolation) a child may resort to masturbation as a source of good feelings (action, self-involvement, joy, release, confidence, self-acceptance). Without other avenues of "affordable" sensual expression, the child becomes fixated upon her/himself. ...
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HORNBEAM -- Inner Vitality and Freshness of Mind.
Persons who have a strong Ego (Personal vales), strong SuperEgo (Social standards), passionate Basic Personality, or, are intense or compulsive by energy block or imprinting influence are most prone to developing a negative Hornbeam state. Having focused too long and too intensely on one of the physical or mental areas of their lifestyle, the emotional and spiritual, as well as one of the others -- have been distanced. This has not allowed for their appreciation and enjoyment and one's lifesystem increasingly experiences these losses until a threshold is passed and inner grief and physical depression arrive. ...
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Mercury Toxicity .. COPING SKILLS #2
In a SENTICS manner, the music I played strengthened me for life by preparing me for death. FEAR weakens the Kidney meridian energy. If my Kidney energy weakened any more than it was, I would have died. Expressing grief and emotional pain allowed me to intensely feel humility. Expressing aggressiveness and resolve, I felt intense confidence. Expressing humility AND confidence allowed me to emotionally slide into deep reverence. There is NO FEAR in such a state. The pattern of the musical experience was providing a maximum of strengthening to my Kidneys meridian at minimal cost. It was giving me my best chance for survival. ...
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The Oral Character.
Recognition and memory of one's negative emotions, for an Oral Character blocked person, rarely surfaces until many energy blocks and/or those of the Oral Character layer are released. It is so horrifying for such a person to face feelings of hate, vengeance, anger, rage, grief, sadness, depression, ... that their expression is denied externally. Often the individual will know in their heart that they have such feelings but these only intensify the guilt feelings associated with the original perception of abandonment and helplessness. As Sentics research has shown us, deny the negative and have difficulty in recognizing it, and you are denied the positive and will have difficulty in expressing those emotions. So, the person caught in the Oral Character starves themselves of quality living out of fear and uncertainty and inexperience. ...
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WALNUT .. Soul quality of New Beginnings.
Knowing when and how to leave can be critical to the health of a relationship. Staying too long can encourage abusive behaviors to continue, co-dependent possessiveness to imprison, unexpressed grief to drain one of vitality, and to imply to those near us that we distrust them, or, ourselves. Over-extended departures will make the pain deeper and more severe. An inability to demonstrate one's independence will encourage one to be afraid of change and resigned to failure and doom. How can you be contributing to the vitality of another person if you have only your own numbed out, over-aggressive, or never changing presence to share with them? If you are boring to yourself, you likely are to them also. ...
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HOLLY ... Divine all encompassing Love.
Persons who have a strong Personal Spirit which harmonizes and mentors their other identity factors will live a life of confident involvement, action and restraint. It is important to realize that one's Personal Spirit can only be as strong as the acknowledgement and acceptance given it by the Ego, Super Ego, Reptilian Structure (Unconscious) and Basic Personality of the individual. When one or more of these are frustrated, fearful or grief stricken about the direction indicated to be taken by Spiritual Guidance, it (they) will raise their defensiveness and rejection and weaken the Personal Spirit by encouraging the negative Holly perspective. ...
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Authoritarianism, Conservativism, Fundamentalism, ....
The influence of Energy Blocks definitively WILL alter the ability of an individual to fully express some forms of emotions. It can be expected from this that IF there are healthy patterns of emotional expression including loosely defined steps or stages, that some people will have difficulty with some of those steps while others may find one or more steps impossible to experience. In grief, this is why we find some persons unable to complete a grieving process and continuing to live their present lives as mirrors of a past reality which has long since ceased to exist. ...
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Co-Dependency Traps.
Empathy is listening with your heart, your emotional center.
Unless you are well aware of and can clearly express your emotions, and, have experiences which can parallel those of another person, and, be open enough to listen beyond the words --- empathy will prove difficult. The co-dependent person has often had their heart encased in energy blocks leaving their mental abilities to dominate their thinking. Structure, routine, expectations, assumptions, projection --- all serve in such an environment to foster distrust, deception, and manipulation --- as calculated means to a harmony of getting what one wants, and expects. No surprises, no grief, no sorrow, no shock, no growth. ...
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New Age & Humanism Perspectives.
It is insincere, defeatist, and equally authoritarian ... to assume that everyone is weak and must be protected from the difficult experiences in life because they lack constructive coping skills. To deny and cover up a true experience of loss with rationalizations and distractions, will never eliminate the loss. Doing so, as encouraged by many New Age approaches, simply addicts the grieving person to the distractions of ritual provided by the super-rational irreverent source. Such a direction can result in the participant increasingly distancing themselves from emotional experience and commitment until they are little more than robots mouthing the sayings of some would-be human god. ...
A truly Spiritual approach to grieving would be to acknowledge the capabilities AND abilities of the individual and not to try to regiment everyone into patterns of experience which will be irrelevant to some, and incapable by others. A Spiritual approach would be to be aware of constructive approaches and to be aware of factors which provide conflict to the utilization of those coping skills. Without these considerations there can be no compassion. Love without compassion is selfish and insincere. Participation, neither denial nor imposition.
A Spiritual approach to grieving would encourage energy block release for freedom, awareness of grieving patterns for self-direction, and the resulting choices to assume responsibility for the continuing experience of life to the degree and in the time which is achievable and constructive for oneself and those who interact with you. ...
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Sentics: The Touch of the Emotions.
POSITIVE EMOTIONS ARE CONNECTED TO GOOD HEALTH.
This has been verified in endless studies in the past 20 years.
So why not simply practice experiencing positive emotions. One reason such an approach is limited is the Ying-Yang theory of Eastern medicine. Within this concept "hot" does not exist without "cold." "Good" does not exist without "evil." Neither, "Joy" without "Grief". ...
Action-Decision is required for Release!
There are FIVE generally accepted Stages to a complete Grieving experience.
If a person misses ONE or more, the effectiveness of the process is sabotaged, and, usually, discarded. All is for nothing. One must begin at the beginning each next time, until, ALL of the stages are completed, often in the following order.
2. Awareness, and, Acknowledgement.
6.1 Grief
Grief is a universal issue for people with ME/CFS.
The losses are numerous and individ�ual. People should be asked about how their lives have changed since becoming ill and be given a chance to describe the process of adjustment. Primary losses are of finan�cial independence, in some cases physical independence, role in family, role as a worker and bread winner, loss of support from family and friends who do not understand the illness and loss of self esteem from all of the above.
Stage 1.
3. Sadness, not, Apology.
Stage 2.
4. Anger, as Joy lost.
Stage 3.
5. Forgiveness, as Interdependency.
Stage 4.
6. Resolution, as Contribution.
Stage 5.
When we have accepted the Realities involved we stop feeling sorry for ourselves, responsible for the decisions or fate of others, and victims of circumstance and preference. The reality is that anyone with a physical body is capable of death by many means and as an extension of many interactive and choice-based actions and inactions. The reality is that we have personal MEMORIES of what has been lost. Person, lifestyle, activity, other relationships ... it is up to us to make the best of them as we go. None of us are good at playing god. Those of us who try, usually bring our fears to fruition. We run the lives of others very poorly. Often we destroy our own in the process.
A LOSS can be a wake-up call to grow up.
Many of us remain emotionally at the age of a child until challenged to face the physical limitations of ourselves and others. Life is so much easier when a parent, friend, associate, or spouse take responsibility for many of our needs and preferences. The more we reward them for doing for us, the more we expect them to do for us. It is an easy road to co-dependency, co-slavery. What happens when the boss dies and no one knows how to do his work or who his contacts were? The business dies. It is time to remember the successful steps we have taken and to keep building forward with them. We will do that better if we have some sense of where we want to go.
The Tombstone Test is a basic exercise in self-worth.
If I die tomorrow, what would I want to be written on my tombstone?
Variations include:
If I died tomorrow, what would I like other people to say about me?
If I died tomorrow, how would I like to help others with my assets?
When I die, what would I love to have accomplished for (others)?
Some losses are inevitable; others are avoidable.
We cannot do anything about the inevitable.
We will make mistakes, lose contact with some people, change jobs and employers, pay taxes, and die. Most other people will do variations in magnitude and frequency of those losses. Other losses are avoidable. We will lose few of what we never have. Investing in a house, car, suit, food, or other material item CAN lead to a loss, especially if we do nothing with the item. To the extent that we use the item, we can gain benefits from it and establish an ever growing Worth. At some point, we will sell-trade-give away or discard the item. It's financial loss will depend upon how little we used it. It's emotional loss, will depend upon how much we used it and received benefit from it. Every time we use the item, we RISK breaking it, making some mistake concerning it, wearing it out, losing it.
Risk establishes Value at the Risk of Loss.
No risk = no excitement, no happiness, no sharing, no growth.
If we have positive experiences, we have positive memories.
Those positive memories stimulate hormone releases which assist in our own and other's sense of contentment, accomplishment, happiness, joy, calm, openness, release ... and, a willingness to go out and take more risk and live in ever greater enthusiasm. THAT is health.
7. CFS-ME Special Considerations.
Other illnesses are simpler!
That is because they are ONE illness and not a Package of severe illnesses. It is also because other illnesses, including some common chronic illnesses, like Diabetes, are more easily recognized, simpler to diagnose, and have direct pharmaceutical and herbal means of alleviation and recovery. With CFS-ME, one has multiple severe conditions. No one can recover from all at the same time. That means that you may have repeated occasions during which your symptoms are severely reduced in their intensity .. even to the point where you begin to think you have recovered. Often, your body and immune system are taking a pause. They have defeated, released, or driven out a major energy robber. They, and you, are FREE! At least of that former attacker. You feel totally good, for a few hours, a day or two, maybe even a week or two.
A second line attacker now moves up into first place.
No longer in competition with the former dominant illness, it now expands its invasion and becomes the new thug on the block. You just get rid of one nasty and another steps into its place. Some of the symptoms of the presence of the new invader will be similar to the former one. Some will be different. If you are not self-aware, you may even believe that the original one has returned. If you do, you are sabotaging your recovery by setting yourself up for repeated self-judgements of Failure. You are also sabotaging by not recognizing the success that has been gained: one less. Assuming that the Invader has just been "playing" you invites your dangerous move of increasing whatever healing strategy you were following. At the least, you are now mounting an offense to an army which is not there! Worse, you may be feeding what has been a secondary attacker and making it stronger with what you used to dispel the former one. Worst of all, you may be making your therapy toxic by using too high an intensity for it to be constructive, especially when used against a foe which is not there!
If you have been thorough and involved in a Diagnosis, you will know how many different invaders you have and what they are. You will expect your reprieve to be temporary and take it as a time to prepare for the next onslaught. You will be open and alert to detect which of your Package of foes is either open to your next counter-attack, or, which has already moved into a state of dominance, or, which is most likely to gain from the absence of the army which left ... and grow into dominance. The longer you wait and rejoice at your temporary success, the more freedom you allow your other Package participants to strengthen in presence and intensity. Strike back while you have the energy. You might dump another foe before it becomes a Controller of your options.
Understanding this likelihood of repeated successes against a Group, can save you from hasty reactions that are irrelevant. It also exposes you to a normal response for your Reptilian Structure. As the security guard it has put out a fire that has been raging on the 2nd floor. Every time it gets back to its control center, another fire starts. After a number of these interruptions in its healthy operation (recording gauge settings, adjusting levels and pressures, scanning monitors, listening for alarms, answering the phone, doing security rounds to ensure doors and windows are in the positions they should be in) the security guard of immune support is beginning to become paranoid. It wants to have its lunch, a snack, a drink, a bathroom break, a rest, ANYTHING other than more Urgent Work! If YOU understand what is happening you can feedback to it a sense of Calm and Focus. Your SuperEgo has a PLAN; your Ego is preparing for ACTION. If you can keep your Reptilian Structure out of Panic, you just may continue to be successful in moving towards Recovery.
The frequency and context of Grieving in CFS-ME is unique.
That REALITY is what makes the optimum, very difficult.
Many people will tell you crap, like
"Just grieve your illness, then move on with your life!"
The Relevancy here is that you have Multiple Illnesses.
That means your Overall Recovery will be composed of lesser and greater recoveries, a turning point, one or more rebuilding durations, and possibly a few more recoveries. Until you read about CFS-ME here, you likely did not expect that. If you mention your recovery process to others, most of them will be Expert Defeatists. They will try to impose Simplicity on you. They will suggest that you are either in denial or are using a defunct protocol, because, wait for it, your singular recovery did not become a Miracle Recovery over multiple illness conditions with marked contrasts of origin and influence! Life is so much simpler when YOU are not the person with CFS-ME, and, have fantasies about it that are on par with Disney cartoons.
Grieving, for a person with CFS-ME, is a tightrope act.
The optimum is to grieve for the losses which you have experienced up to your recent win over ONE of your assailants. Unlike many grieving processes, that doesn't mean that the losses now end. It means that you are closer to a time when the constant drain on your life energy and participation will become much more positive and CONSTANT. It means that we recovered from the sudden gust of wind from the left which almost had us lose our balance and fall off the tightrope. That doesn't mean that we have made it all the way across the rope!
We still have a way to go.
We don't know how far until we get the end and step onto the solid platform. Either we are progressing in the dark, or, with a blindfold on. There is no turning around. Doing that would be a certain way to fall off. We keep going. We calmly prepare for the possibility of more gusts, from left, right, behind, any direction. If we let fear take over, we will react with too much force and be unable to compensate fast enough to prevent a fatal fall. CALM is imperative. ATTITUDE is imperative. KNOWLEDGE is fundamental.
8. Grieving illness away = Recovery.
Why does Grieving enable health ?
Let's consider some of the attending factors of illness.
- Constipation
- Auto-intoxification
- Depression
- Joint pains
- Muscle aches
- Forgetfulness
- Impotency
- Indigestion
- Fatigue
- Insomnia
- High/Low blood pressure
- Malnutrition
Here is what Grieving can do.
- Improve elimination.
- Reduce tension.
- Reduce inflammation
- Normalize blood pressure.
- Synchronize hormone levels.
- Increase optimism and hopefulness.
- Increase mental alertness
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