Redirected Sexuality.

"Sadistic sensations may be traced back to early childhood ...
Under normal conditions man meets obstacles which it is his part to overcome, and for which nature (and culture) have given him an aggressive character. This aggressive character, however, under pathological conditions may likewise be excessively developed, and express itself in an impulse to subdue absolutely the object of desire, even to destroy or kill it. ... The sadistic act in itself is often enough an equivalent for coitus rendered impossible by physical and psychical impotence. It may be practiced on boys, animals, persons of the same sex, without relation to pedophilia, zoophilia or homosexuality."

IN MOST ABUSIVE BEHAVIORS, the abuser repeats what he or she has felt at the hands of another --- often a significant other from childhood. A child who is physically or emotionally abused by a parent as a means of release of pent up frustrations, anxieties, rage, or abuse from one's employer or co-workers ... a child which only seeks to be acknowledged and loved, can be expected to return that reservoir of twisted, negative and undeserved punishment against others with whom he/she later forms, or wishes to form, a close and emotionally dependent relationship. as in most of the behaviors mentioned here, release the Energy Blocks and you free the individual and his children from such continued pain.

"By masochism I understand a peculiar perversion of the psychical sexual life in which the individual affected, in sexual feeling and thought, is controlled by the idea of being completely and unconditionally subject to the will of a person of the opposite sex; of being treated by this person as by a master, humiliated and abused. The idea is colored by lustful feelings; the masochist lives in fantasies, in which he creates situations of this kind and often attempts to realize them.

... For the masochist the principal thing is subjugation to the woman; the punishment is only the expression of this relation --- the most intense effect of it he can bring on himself. For him, the act has only a symbolic value, and is a means to the end of mental satisfaction .... On the other hand, the individual that is weakened and is not subject to masochism and who has himself flagellated, desires only a mechanical irritation of his spinal center. ...

For those subject to masochism --- at least during the attacks --- the whole external world becomes masochistic. The (slap) on the ear administered by the teacher to the pupil and the crack of the driver's whip make deep impressions on the masochist, while they leave him indifferent or annoy him when he is not in the masochistic state. ... Fear of how she would receive his propositions and a feeling of shame kept him from confessing (his desires to her). He found a substitute in his dreams.

Thus, for example, he dreamed that he was a proud, fiery steed, ridden by a beautiful lady. He felt her weight, the bit he had to obey, the pressure of the thighs on his flanks; he heard her beautiful, joyous voice. The exertion threw him into a perspiration, the touch of the spurs did the rest, and always induced (ejaculation) with great lustful pleasure."

THE MASOCHIST WISHES to express his/her individuality and seeks personal acknowledgement from a situation in which he appears to bring joy to another. That joy may be the result of the love of the victim for a significant other who is perceived to be depressed and authoritarian, or, the intention to distract a sexually abusive significant other from another to oneself. The range of dynamics are so wide that modern society appears to some to be endemically masochistic. It is greatly distant from spiritual awareness to believe that one must willingly sacrifice oneself to abuse in order to receive acknowledgement from another.

"(Lesbian Love) Where the sexual intercourse is between adults, its legal importance is very slight.
... flourish especially in penal institutions ... repugnance for the most disgusting and perverse acts (coitus in axilla, ore, between the breasts, etc.) which men perform on prostitutes is not infrequently responsible for driving these unfortunate creatures to Lesbian love. From his statements it is seen that it is essentially prostitutes of great sensuality who, unsatisfied with intercourse with impotent and perverse men, and impelled by their disgusting practices, come to indulge in it. ..."

"(Cunnilingus - oral stimulation of the female genitals)
he generally finds in women with normal sexual instinct but hypersexual feelings, i.e., in girls who have no opportunity for, or are afraid of coitus, pregnancy, or in married women whose sexual desires remain unsatisfied in consequence of the husband's impotence or of failure of sexual feeling due to masturbation. Here it is ... an ephemeral union for the purpose of mutually to satisfy libido, coupled with all sorts of concomitant acts to obtain the means desired."

Such an activity also provides for a healthy variation of sexual involvement between a man and a woman, provided cleanliness is observed.

LESBIAN AND GAY HOMOSEXUAL LOVE, share a high sociological significance in its popularity with the degree to which intergender abuse exists, both in reality and in public perception. As far back as the mid-1970's, I remember hearing (status quo mentoring) about women in California marrying men with good incomes and assets solely for the purpose of getting a divorce and living off the settlement and their alimony. A number of legal decisions about that time and since support the belief --- North America wide. Several women later relished the publicity of openly admitting that they had married 5 or 6 times for no other reason. While the instances of this relationship abuse were likely small, their existence to young impressionable and immature adults could be dramatic.

GENDER-STRUCTURED ORGANIZATIONS is another manner of gender distancing. This endemic practice of not allowing boys and girls to play games with each other, attending clubs and "maturing" associations together, and, of making fun of any cross-gender friendships creates fundamental gender-directed pride and disrespect.

MEDIA PORTRAYALS of demanding, abusive, and possessive wives and mothers are so numerous that a sizeable number of men must have experienced or observed the same in their families. It is not uncommon for males in the company of males to complain about the lack of satisfaction they find in a role-based relationship in a authority structured culture in which career and material gain are often made extensions of the male identity. If these are the only images which men have of women, why would they not be deterred from a normal attraction to them ... leaving only an attraction to their own gender.

THIS CULTURAL PERCEPTION OF WOMEN as harsh, manipulative, deceptive, calculating, distrustful, and distant --- has only served to assist in the "emotionally safe" intellectualized sexual choice of some men as homosexuality.

THE IMAGE OF MEN held by many women is also partly culturally derived and, sadly, often a result of personal experience. North American men are generally self-obsessed and self-indulgent. Over-mothered and over-sheltered in the confines of a role which fits them for little more than the egotistical, aggressive and rationally calculating fields of business, politics, the military, professional sports, and so-called scientific research --- they often have little to offer a woman besides their checkbook and flattery. Women too often, yet deservingly, speak of men as pigs (the filthy stabled ones), dogs (the wild abandoned ones), and beasts (not the kindly, affectionate, sensual, patient and considerate ones).

AVERAGE MALE SELF-SUFFICIENCY SKILLS often do not include such basics as cooking, laundry, grocery shopping, and clothing selection --- is it any wonder that many marry for little more than the purpose of having a live-in mother, housecleaner, family status acceptability in the community, personal sex toy, and child raiser. Of course, that is quite a lot. And most men in such positions deny the reality of it to themselves whenever it is presented to them. So, for you and for them, test reality.

HERE IS A TEST.
As a man, do you help with and are you comfortably proficient in each of the tasks noted above?
And if you are putting forth excuses now, just accept it ... you are in denial. If you want an equal relationship, you can learn these skills. Then you can start to honestly empathize with and team with the woman you call your wife, or dearest companion. For the moment, don't look down at homosexual relationships as less quality than yours. YOU may have contributed to their choice. And, if you are in denial, at least you have to admit that they are not abusing women and are unlikely to pass on their patterning to sons and daughters.

Incest: "Only great sensuality and defective ideas of laws and morals can lead to incest.
... Drinking and a state of intoxication in men; weak-mindedness which does not allow for the feeling of shame, and, which, under certain circumstances is associated with eroticism in females --- facilitate the occurrence of incestuous acts."

Incest may be but is certainly not always the result of a sex deprived father taking advantage of his daughter, or son. Children who love a parent and come to feel empathetic to the emotional (nagging, name calling, put downs, arguing), physical (slapping, punching, wrestling) and spiritual (lies, threats, false promises) abuse received by that parent ... may feel a need to comfort the victim. Comforting necessarily demands sensual contact, even if only of an emotional nature.

PARENTS who are sensually and sexually starved, are entrapped by their own attitudes and situation. Particularly where such instances of deprivation become repetitive, the potential for two emotionally weakened opposite gender persons to graduate their comforting sessions into sexually active sessions is high. Their are many answers for prevention. Better marriages would be helped by ---

• more balanced child-rearing practices;
• more tolerance for masturbation;
• intensive assertiveness communication development;
• mandatory marriage preparation classes;
• mandatory parenting classes in schools;
• automatic prosecution of spousal abuse;
• mandatory conflict resolution skills training;
• anger management training for those convicted of abuse;
• religious focus on forgiveness and empathy.

CHANGE begins with each of us!
Individuals contributed to the formation of each culture.
Individuals can contribute to the positive change within each culture.