Chapter 8: Summary, quotes, page 122.

An abnormally sensitive conscience [excessively strong SuperEgo]can give rise to guilt feelings that
1) do not respond to forgiveness (whether from people or God);
2) do not cause us to make constructive amends; and
3) are the product of moralism (concern for surface behavior) and not morality.

Neurotic guilt, that is guilt that cannot receive forgiveness, tends to be vague and pervasive. It responds to the slightest provocation, often becoming preoccupied with self-condemnation and self-punishment.

To develop a healthy guilt response, you must challenge your irrational internalized do's and don't, thus developing a more rational and flexible conscience, a right attitude to failure, and the courage to take responsibility for mistakes without engaging in self-punishment.

For emotional freedom from neurotic guilt it is essential to have

• a healthy God concept, where God is not seen just as a policeman waiting to punish;

• a healthy sin concept, where one's conscience does not become a god and where one's understanding of sin is properly informed by the truth of Scripture; and

• a healthy forgiveness concept, where the true meaning of what God has provided is fully understood.

Chapter 8: Freedom from Guilt,
main section quotes.

page 109 to 122
... Psychological guilt is a "feeling" or emotion. Spiritual or theological guilt is a "state of being." We can be spiritually guilty, yet not "feel" anything. We can feel guilty, but not be in a state of guilt. Confusing? Perhaps, but read on!

The difference between that form of guilt which is entirely "psychological" and that which is "theological" is quite considerable. If you confuse the two, you can make yourself vulnerable to increased psychological guilt. Believing you are spiritually guilty can create a lot of guilt feelings. ...

As we explored the problem together, it became obvious to me that his problem was indeed one of psychological guilt. Early in his life he was subjected to strong pressure from his parents to conform to their beliefs. As a small child he had been forced to "go forward" often. This had conditioned him to feel guilty every time a call to repentance was made. ...

Unless we learn how to tell the one type from the other we will always be handicapped in our growth towards spiritual and psychological health. We will feel guilty when we shouldn't and not feel guilty when we should. This confusion is of own own creating, and what lies behind it is a faulty understanding of the nature of grace and forgiveness. ...

It is true that "spiritual" guilt can trigger a valid sense of "psychological" guilt. When you become aware of how you stand before God it is quite natural that you "feel" guilty. However, spiritual guilt does not have the same irrational quality that psychological guilt has. It is more constructive, reparative, and amenable to forgiveness. Psychological guilt can easily become neurotic guilt. ...

True perfectionists, however, have a built-in system of self-punishment (toxic shame) which is invoked whenever they feel that they are not measuring up to the standards of performance they have set for themselves. ...

If, in addition, they believe that God wants ... they could easily interpret their feelings of guilt as God's conviction. Psychological guilt is thus transformed to spiritual guilt. Such guiltiness does not easily respond to forgiveness. The two forms of guilt are intermingled and demand punishment as the only way of obtaining relief.

It is possible, of course, for ministers and evangelists unwittingly to utilize psychological guilt mechanisms for creating a state of spiritual guilt. Much modern evangelism makes this mistake with very damaging consequences. This misuse has long been the cause of much concern as it gives rise to spurious conversions and commitments which, in turn, hamper further spiritual development. It becomes harder and harder for the victims of this mixing of guilts to fully appropriate the forgiveness of God. ...

For me, the most significant thing about guilt is that it frequently triggers other emotional reactions or is triggered by them. It is probably the most common "chained emotion." If I get angry at ... I will almost immediately begin to experience a feeling of guilt (arising from values) mother taught me. ... The result is a large swing from one set of emotions (shouting and anger) to another set (placating and reconciling). All very unsettling to our children.

Or we might become depressed by something. As soon as we are aware of our depression we feel guilty and react with further depression because we don't like being depressed. ...

Guilt triggers anger very easily, because anger is a way of fighting guilt. ...

Why does guilt sometimes trigger anger?
Because guilt is a warning --- a signal that something has been violated. It creates an internal tension and a threat of rejection. Anger is one way of fighting this rejection. ...

How do we learn what to feel guilty about?
Do's and don't come mainly from our parents, and most of it is learned very early in life. ...

As we begin to come into awareness of our world, however, our parents begin to replace their unconditional love with love that is conditional. We are loved when we do the right thing, but not loved (and perhaps even rejected) when we do wrong. The withdrawal of parental love is partly caused by the anger and frustration they feel at our not doing what they want us to. Slowly, as we continue to grow, we internalize the conflict between being accepted and being rejected. We begin to condemn ourselves without waiting for parental condemnation. ...

Verbal discipline, and especially the withholding of love (including avoidance, refusing to talk, abandonment), can prolong punishment. Verbal methods can also be more cruel than physical (except in cases of child abuse). Think back to your own childhood. The chances are that you remember the verbal cruelties (things your father called you) more painfully than the physical (provided the latter was not excessively cruel).

Not only do we use love and approval to train our children's consciences, we also use them to manipulate and hurt back. We force our children to ask for forgiveness whenever they have wronged us, or we create strong feelings of guilt because they don't love us enough or because they get angry. This manipulation is deeply embedded in the personality of the child and may last throughout life, as many can no doubt attest. ...

Conscience is usually helpful, but since it can be so easily distorted and is merely a reflection of an internalized set of values which have been learned we need to be cautious. ...

Conscience can also be warped in other ways.
It can be "under-developed" and inadequate to guide us because it lacks any sensitivity, or it can be "overdeveloped." It all depends on the atmosphere of your upbringing. ...

... it is possible to suffer from an inadequately developed conscience. [weak SuperEgo, lacking discernment] Here you feel very little anxiety when you cause pain to others. Immoral behavior doesn't phase you at all. While you may conform to the standards of behavior of those around you, you do so just to "keep the peace" or keep out of trouble. You are not guided by a sense of what you believe to be right or wrong. People with a weak conscience make the same mistake over and over again and do not benefit from the experience. They seldom really feel sorry for what they do and resent any effort made to punish them. ...

The person with a "normal" conscience understands WHY something is right or wrong and does not condemn her or himself without an adequate basis in reality. ...

In summary, ... a normal, healthy, and well-balanced conscience has the following qualities:

1. It is concerned with "morality" (the correct source of moral attitudes) and not with "moralism" (the preoccupation with right behaviors). Moralism is preoccupied with the "appearance" of correct behavior more than with the reason for it. ...

2. A healthy conscience should be flexible and not rigid, sensitive yet sensible. ...

3. A well-balanced conscience does not engage in excessive self-blaming, self-condemnation, or self-punishment. ...

4. A normal conscience knows how to obtain and accept forgiveness, whether this forgiveness is to be from God or others, or from themselves. ...

If (action-guilt cycles) happened repeatedly, it would be neurotic for the following reasons: First, you are not dealing with the cause of your anger ... and, second, you are teaching (someone you are interacting with) how he can manipulate you with guilt. ... Directness and honesty are the product of a healthy conscience. ...

Neurotic guilt can especially be caused by imagined violations. ... Even though he has not actually done any harm ...

Perhaps you engage in the following self-talk: "I must do this"; "I should do that"; or "I've just got to go there." It's just possible that you are being controlled and manipulated by what you think others will say, or you have an exaggerated fear that you will not please someone. ...

Through the influence of a friend I developed a very distorted idea of God's anger, believing that God wanted to punish all sin, even if He also wanted to forgive. As a result I experienced a marked increase in my guilt proneness .... (Other friends) fell victim to a similar erroneous idea and became so depressed by the experience that they gave up on their (religious) commitments. ...

1. An Inadequate God Concept.
... As I have worked with people who have an inadequate God-concept, it has become obvious that they have merely internalized images of their parents, usually the father. If he has been harsh and punitive, they tend to see God this way.

2. An Inadequate Sin Concept.
Guilt problems can also arise when we do not have a clear understanding of the nature of sin. Our conscience can bother us even when no sin has been committed. ... We can easily make our consciences into a god. ...

3. An Inadequate Forgiveness Concept.
... It's true that (God) wants to forgive us more than we are willing to receive it. ... God's forgiveness must be preceded by repentance. ...

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