And now, the lying game.
From Clinton to Archer,
the combination of charm and deceit is powerful.
by David Graham, Life Writer, Toronto Star
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The charismatic liar has a remarkable way of looking you square in the eyes and lying through their perfect teeth. It worked for British novelist and former MP Jeffrey Archer for years, until the courts unraveled his "talent for embroidery" with a four-year prison term for perjury last week.
Prosecutor David Waters described Archer as "a man . . . who whatever successive allegation or obstacle he faced, his instinct and solution was to manipulate events and fabricate a dishonest answer."
Politicians, particularly former U.S. President Bill Clinton, are masters. And we suspect U.S. congressman Gary Condit has many of those same qualities. In jokes, lawyers are teased about their on-again, off-again relationship with the truth. Ditto for public relations types.
They are the sultans of smarm and the sweet-talking dames of deceit. By greasing their lies with dollops of charisma and flattery, these charming liars disarm their victims and their lies seem perfectly believable.
For more than 10 years, swindler Christopher Rocancourt slimed his way across North America bilking the rich and famous out of their millions using a variety of aliases -- the son of Sophia Loren, a friend of Bill Clinton and nephew of director Dino de Laurentis to name a few. In news reports this charming liar has been variously described as a "dangerous, repeat criminal" and "dashing."
People like Rocancourt learn early in life that regular folks are more than willing to lap up their fabulous fabrications as long as they pour on the charm. And being attractive often works in their favour.
"These people are frequently very narcissistic," says Dr. Charles Ford, a professor of psychiatry at the University of Alabama in Birmingham and author of Lies! Lies! Lies!!! The Psychology of Deceit.
"They feel the world revolves around them. They feel they are entitled to reshape reality to meet their own needs," he says.
While it's generally held that cheaters never prosper, it's sadly true that the most skilful liars are often successful in relationships and at work.
"This is the age of narcissism," says Ford. "People are more self-centred, more involved with themselves. The breakdown of the nuclear and the extended family is producing more children who are self-absorbed."
He says they believe that because you only go around once in this life you might as well get as much as you can even if that means stretching the truth.
Bella DePaulo, a professor of psychology at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville, has spent years studying the social implications of lying. In one of her studies, 77 college students and 70 members of a local community were required to keep diaries for one week noting their social interactions and chronicling their lies. Participants were also asked to keep track of their own reactions to their lies and to record the extent to which they felt guilty.
The results revealed that all participants lied. Their lies were self-serving and were employed either to enhance the liar's status or protect him from embarrassment, disapproval or conflict. Only one out of four lies was told to protect someone else's feelings.
Her studies revealed that socially skilful people told way more lies than people who were socially unskilled.
Despite their successes, these people still suffer from severe bouts of low self-esteem, explains Ford. They set out on a campaign to embellish their external persona, from boasting about sexual conquests to exaggerating their income. It's an unending need. While on the surface they appear confident, at their core, they still feel remarkably inadequate.
What makes charismatic liars so effective is that they believe their own lies.
"They are not acting," says Ford.
"People with a strong sense of personal identity have difficulty being good actors. Good actors can pretend. They can change their identity."
The truly charismatic liars are more believable because they actually feel they are telling the truth.
As well, we are more inclined to believe what physically attractive, famous and powerful people tell us, whether it's true or not, he explains. Ford places this behaviour in the "transference" category.
"When we think people have a certain authority over us or that they are better than us, they remind us of our parents so we accept anything they say without question," he says.
And lying, as an acceptable, even admirable, social skill, is gaining popularity, explains Ford.
Politicians who walk away unscathed from their lies and continue to be adored by their public reinforce the message it's okay to lie under certain circumstances. Who can forget the words of the world's most charming prevaricator, former U.S. president Bill Clinton: "I did not have sexual relations with that woman, Miss Lewinsky."
Ford is convinced there are a number of forces conspiring to turn us into liars. He blames the media, particularly television, for spreading the word that lying is not only useful but fun. Remember the pathological liar on Saturday Night Live who suffixed his bragging with "That's the ticket." In the movie Liar, Liar, actor Jim Carrey played a lawyer forced to become a straight-shooter and the result was mayhem.
Shows like Ally McBeal and The Practice weekly reinforce the message that while honesty may be the best policy, sometimes it's necessary to bend or bury the truth to save an innocent client's skin. As spectators, we become mesmerized by the performances and numb to the lies.
Judge Judy lets us watch as she searches for truth in the pack of lies she's told by the various parties who plead their cases in her televised small claims court. And reality shows like Survivor, where alliances are forged and broken on a regular basis, teach us that when push comes to shove, a little creative deception may be necessary to stay alive.
Ford also points an accusing finger at the impersonal or "virtual" nature of online communication for this new wave of liars. The online variety begin by creating a false name and follow through with a completely manufactured identity. They feel no compunction to tell the truth because they feel distanced from the harm they inflict and, more important, imagine they're less likely to be caught. It follows the whole "look me straight in the eye" logic. For thousands of young male braggarts, the Net has become the high school locker room where sexual boasting is a part of passage into manhood.
While we can point a finger at O'Neal and call him a cad, the bottom line is, almost all people lie.
They lie to get ahead and to get out of trouble.
They tell harmless, white lies to make others feel good.
And sometimes they lie, like O'Neal, to make themselves look good.
Lying, say the experts, is epidemic.
Sissela Bok, author of Lying: Moral Choice in Public and Private Life, has been studying lies for decades and though she has no proof, she believes "we are all on the receiving end of a great many more lies than in the past." According to Bok, many professionals lie with the best intentions. For example, politicians may lie for the public good. And doctors sometimes lie to the sick and dying to spare them further upset.
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The proliferation of background checking companies in response to the epidemic is sign enough that no one is being believed at face value any more. ....
As the level of distrust rises, perhaps honesty will become the best policy.
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