Thursday, November 16, 2000

INTRODUCTION:
As in the genesis of all of the other Team articles, this one has grown from a question or comment which indicated a misunderstanding of, or, a lack of awareness about some aspect of Spiritual Guidance. Always, I would have preferred to simply have a conversation to resolve the issue and leave it at that. Always, once I have learned or experienced many of the principles and realities involved, they have become, for me, "common knowledge." We expect others to know common knowledge. We expect to learn common knowledge out of some state of ignorance that we somehow find ourselves in and assume that others have avoided.

This perceptual characteristic of my Basic Personality is constructive in keeping my Ego and SuperEgo humble. It is a foundation that prevents the rest of my Identity expressions from ever becoming evangelical about anything. Enthusiastic and confident yes, but I could never be an excellent salesperson or publicist. It is not helpful in providing the information to others. I never see the need until it is presented, and, a characteristic of my Basic Personality is a willingness to help others WITHOUT ever referencing myself. My Ego has no pride in self revelation. It would rather simply concentrate on the action part of life. This form of writing requires the inactions of reflection, analysis, patience, and meditation.

Indeed, if I had not learned to choose to follow Spiritual Guidance to the exclusion of all other options, none of these articles could have been typed out by me in the timeframe they were, and, none could have been composed at all. Interaction with my Guidance has encouraged me to change intuitive knowledge into conscious specifics and to extend knowledge with new revelations for me to appreciate and share with others.

While a conversation might have sufficed, my Guidance has, once again been, to put it in writing. I understand that in this form the particulars, which may be lost through current distractions or through future forgetfulness, will be preserved, and, that the information may be reviewed as a reminder and shared with other team members.

Specifics and example are necessary here to provide some practical awareness and form of understanding. I was speaking recently with Steve about some residence options that I would be considering in the near future. One had a master bedroom sized at 14.5 by 7.5 feet. I mentioned that in that situation I would likely remove the wall dividing it from a second bedroom to make a larger space. He commented that I should find it OK because it was a similar size to where I was. Fortunately, for him and you, I was too tired at the time to take issue.

I have no awareness of or intimate record of the longer-term association between a person following Spiritual Guidance and the results than myself, so that must be my focus. Hopefully, when you look back over the development in your life over the next 5 or ten years, you will be able to write and speak about your own personal variation. If you have consistently sought and chosen to follow Spiritual Guidance, it will be VERY positive, and, VERY different. This article references the period between the summer of 1988 and the present (fall, 2000).

My Basic Personality LOVES space, freedom, the out-of-doors, exploration, innovation, action, knowledge, intimacy, change. It is also gifted with almost continual optimism and occasional morbidness. Any characteristic mentioned here means that it is present in a strength which makes its expression by others appear minor. These are not general, they are major. Different individuals have different dominant characteristics both in number and name. If you look at the specifics of the outcomes of my Guidance over the past 12 years, I would expect you to shake your head in confusion and ask Why?

SPACE:
Before Guidance, I lived most of my adult life in 2 bedroom apartments and in a 3-bedroom house ... and I would rather have had a little more space. Since following Guidance, I have lived in shared apartments, rooms, smaller rooms, a locker, and a secluded space in an industrial unit. For the past 4 years, I have lived in spaces which have ranged between 6 X 4 feet and 16 X 20 feet, with the emphasis on 8 X 10 feet. Anything less than 16 X 20, I find VERY restrictive. So, why the Guidance to frustrate and imprison me?

FREEDOM:
Before Guidance, I lived much of my adult life in the promise of material prosperity and independence. I was taught that by aggressively pursuing my material and social goals and career, I would reap security and respect. A number of times I almost seemed to reach that goal. Then the myth collapsed under the weight of a broken marriage, broken career, broken health, broken spirit.

The illusion of freedom developed into a reality of subservience to factors beyond my control, choice, and ability to manage. Since following Guidance, those factors which deceived me previously have been relegated to unimportant. This makes it difficult if not impossible for others to deceive and manipulate me with offers of material wealth, power, popularity, security, and love --- and some have tried. For the better part of the past 7 years I have used my energies, time, and resources --- as Guided, not, as profitable. Doesn't poverty mean lack of freedom?

OUT-OF-DOORS:
The melding of the equally strong characteristics of action, out-of-doors, and knowledge produce for me a Basic Personality which would be most satisfied spending half the time in the out-of-doors and half my time studying, reading, analysing, designing, researching. My career choice of fixing mini-computers involved spending half my time driving to and from the customer's location, particularly in the final 5 years. My "hobby" choice of designing and building my own house, and later career choice of designing and developing a 30-unit subdivision also proved satisfying.

Results: The computer company fell into disaster because of decisions taken by foreign executives 7 years before. Morally, I couldn't work for the other several companies in the industry, because, they provided even worse levels of service to the customer. As I was completing my house, divorce necessitated its sale. And the subdivision, it slipped into oblivion as others acting out their Ego, forced delays, cancelled financing, changed the economic and political infrastructure.

Since receiving Guidance, I have increasingly been bound to spending almost all of my time indoors, often in front of a computer display. Even on sunny days, weekends, and holidays --- that is where I have most often been. Not because I wanted to be there or found it enjoyable. I don't like working with computers! Repairing them was not so bad. I would much rather work with people or work outside. How is Guidance helping here?

OPTIMISM:
The recorded experiences and actions of others differentiates my optimism. Many others, threatened with extinction through spontaneous abortion (euphemistically called premature birth), die. I, and a few others in my time, survived. I was told by an authority that I would never make it through high school. I completed high school and later completed university with high marks. I was told that after a severe eye injury in my early teens that with progressively worsening vision I would possibly be blind by the age of 40. At over age 55, my vision is almost as good as it was at age 25.

When a characteristic is part of your Basic Personality, it doesn't just show up occasionally. It is persistent. After my first severe whiplash injury, specialists told me to begin preparing to use a wheelchair. That was in 1976. I've never used a wheelchair. I went to university afterward. I've been very active in the past 20 years. I recovered in record time from a later and equally severe second whiplash. I know others who have never recovered, and, they don't want to try because the experts said they couldn't!

At the peak of my hypersensitivity illness symptoms, experts told me I would never recover, and not to expect to live much longer. That was in 1988. To this day the medical industry, both alternative and conventional, tell everyone with hypersensitivities that they will not, cannot recover. Most groups concerned with helping such persons preach social activism to receive financial benefits and sue possible contributors, not recovery.

In fact, the option of recovery frustrates their aims.
You must remain sick to get benefits. If you recover, your benefits are withdrawn. The only people I know who have recovered or substantially lessened their symptoms, are those who have followed some of the options I present on the Earthtym.net site, including balancing therapy, also provided by others.

I went through an emotionally and spiritually exhausting divorce in 1980 with the full expectation that my sexual and intimate life was dead and I would never marry again. I married twice more, would have married twice more, became engaged, and dated. I know of many men and some women who after their first divorce are so afraid of marriage and commitment and so doubting of male-female relationships that they have never remarried and restrict themselves to friendly and functional relationships. There are exceptions, of course, but few.

Throughout my childhood, my home never moved.
As an adult, over the first 20 years, I moved my home about 15 times, mostly for reasons of job or career change or advancement. I don't ever recall viewing my home as temporary during that period and at most expected to be one step away from a permanent dwelling. With Guidance, I have moved about 25 times in 12 years, often expecting that my residence would be temporary and always hoping that the next would be permanent. Who needs this kind of Guidance?

KNOWLEDGE:
Before Guidance, I was brought up in a culture which taught that you got an education (one), a job (one), a marriage (one), and lived happily ever after (one). And most people my age still believe that; some have lived it; others feel lost, frustrated, angry --- at having to learn more. Yet the career choices I made placed me in a position in which annual or more often upgrading and re-training courses were the norm. I added more skill-building courses to these at night school. Then I went to university. More courses of a self-development form afterward. My personal library and personal writings grew. I never stopped learning long enough to live the good life others spoke always of.

Then, I began following Spiritual Guidance.
Now, instead of taking courses taught by specialists who were supposed to know all the answers, I began learning first hand, by experience and Guidance. What I had learned previously had been practical and interesting. With Guidance, I began learning how to survive the unsurvivable and recover from the chronic. Before, I assembled a wall covered with degrees and certificates: recognition. With Guidance, there are no certificates. There is little recognition. The skills and knowledge learned take much time and much energy and have little value in the marketplace. All this training and knowledge, for what?

INTIMACY:
Before Guidance, I lived most of my adult life married.
Since Guidance, I have had one marriage ended, I walked away from a desired marriage, an engagement ended, a pleasant female relationship ended, a number of pleasant female contacts have gone nowhere, and I have had no interpersonal sexual or sensual intimacy for the past 7 years. This has happened during the part of my life when I have become the most informed and intellectually appreciative of sensuality, sexuality, and health. What gives?

MORBIDNESS:
Before Guidance, the occasions of morbid thinking in my life were at one of two extremes. At one extreme was the calculated, premeditated, choice of intended suicide. Initially, the events were carefully thought out resolutions to severe moral difficulties which seemed best served by or only to be resolved, safely, by ending my own life. This morbid preoccupation with death went from execution to sacrifice to mental confusion in style. Once married, they stayed distant until the efforts of my first divorce. Thereafter, they have taken a style of death indicated, acknowledged, and fought against, then worked with. The latter is what has come with Guidance.

As a part of my Basic Personality, this characteristic is not a factor of illness, energy block, or unbalance. It is, now freed from the earlier energy block intensities, a balancing of the extreme optimism expressed elsewhere. I recently experienced terror --- in the never-never land of anxiety between the certainties of optimism (action stimulating) and morbidity (ultimate inaction). For my Basic Personality, I can cope most easily with either working at doing the perceived impossible or in accepting that a potential possibility WILL become impossible. Knowing that something so demanding must be done, but being held back from actually doing --- produced a terror, for me, of Ego and SuperEgo interference in the form of self-doubt and faith challenge.

Since following Guidance, I have been exposed to almost continuous opportunities for action and involvement in one struggle after another to --- do the research and publication work of Project Earth, then the websites, then the Package, AND --- cope with instances of severe health compromise in which the prospect of death was the only sane expectation. All this, and, work often at other jobs to make the income to allow for the self-financed activities. Hasn't the Guidance been somewhat extreme here? Shouldn't there be something more positive, more rewarding, from following Guidance?

THE BENEFITs OF GUIDANCE
--- for this Basic Personality.

SPACE:
By following my Guidance I have repeatedly been placed in situations which had the potential to increase and stabilize the amount of space I have had to work with. Taking those possibilities into reality demanded conducive decisions from others. I was not God. I could not do everything myself. Other people had choices but were not ready yet for commitment.

Perhaps they need more time to develop their skills or strengthen their spirit, or ... I have developed a keen appreciation for space and have further developed my organizing skills. Since beginning to follow Guidance, I can say that I have increasingly put the space available to me to better and better use. Space is no longer a privilege or a reward. It is a tool. It does not control my choices and perceptions. I fashion it to work with me.

FREEDOM:
The most basic element of freedom is the ability to choose.
By Guiding me to find out about and get rid of my energy blocks, I have the freedom of not being controlled by them. That is a freedom most other North Americans do not have. I have given away most everything I have that would be of value to others.

That frees me from possessiveness and the constant desire for more that accompanies materialism. I live a safer and simpler life by having little of value to steal. I have the freedom not to be manipulated or deceived, even though others will try, and sometimes succeed --- to their detriment. I have the freedom to follow my Spiritual Guidance without a spouse or relatives or close friends constantly telling me to deny it.

OUT-OF-DOORS:
My career choice of private investigation, and before that of private security, both provided a satisfaction of this indoor-outdoor lifestyle. Both choices were Guided. Several times, what was an ideal position for me in security became jeopardized by the actions or inactions of others. In a further one, the President of a company made promises to me which he then learned he no longer had the authority to effect.

Training to be a private investigator increased and improved my skills and awareness required to do the Project Earth Report and other Guided work. It was on completion of the course, and later, that I learned that I could not get such a position without a car ... which Guidance had instructed me to sell a year before. I still had the skills and a Guided use to put them to.

When I was Guided through the development work for an Online Used Car sales and information service --- which could have provided a desired spiritually beneficial change to the industry --- I was eventually prepared to have an office residence on wheels. Such was totally designed and ready to build. The opportunity almost became real several times. One team member decided that he could not trade SuperEgo dominance for Spiritual Guidance, so, to this day he is worshipping human leaders. A second team member could not control his Ego domination and when Spiritual Guidance wouldn't let him have his way, he decided only to follow it when he wanted to. A third, and potential team member decided that his expertise was better than "prayer" so he opted out. Several real opportunities presented, and were lost. So the mobile outdoors residence was delayed.

Over a year later, the mobile residence option was resurrected with a possible continuation of Project Earth development in the Okanogan Valley. This time, financing depended on a friend following Guidance to save his farm from repossession, and, to suggest to a financial source the opportunity of investing in Online Timeline Reports. When he heard me speak openly about Spiritual Guidance, I never heard from him again. He refused to answer my calls. I don't know if he followed the Guidance. I don't know if he still has his farm. Once again on hold, I was gaining an appreciation for space economy and an increasing ease of moving my belongings.

More recently, the necessity, and as Guided, of moving out of the city satisfies the out-of-doors benefit. While a range of possibilities exist, the direction of the Guidance seems to be moving away from renting a room, to space creation, to renting a house near the out-of-doors.

OPTIMISM:
I have undertaken many tasks for which I was unprepared and the outcome of which was much greater than I was capable of expecting. Looking back, I have never been Guided to do something for which I did not have the elementary skills or the Basic Personality capability to develop those skills. When I needed a course, God provided a way. When I needed information, God Guided me to it. When I felt defeated and hopeless, God Guided me to continue. When I was homeless, God's Guidance kept me safe. When I have been ill, God never abandoned me. God has always been there since I learned how to break down the barriers attached to physical existence and receive Spiritual Guidance.

Like all the other factors, the QUALITY of my optimism has been transformed by following Guidance. If I had not followed the Guidance and lived the experiences that followed from it, I believe the optimism I have now could only have been perceived theoretically. My optimism is no longer attached to what I think I can do or what I, or others, think should be possible. Now, I know that if it something that God wants for me, it will happen by my following the Guidance, and, if required, with the assistance of others.

KNOWLEDGE:
Having spent much of my life studying and learning, I had a fair resource of knowledge before I began to request and receive Guidance. While I had the best of intentions for the expression of my skills and knowledge, the outcome was unpredictable. Many achievements of a career or secular nature were attained. Many failures in quality of life offset the achievements. My Basic Personality was both intensely rewarded and penalized.

Knowledge can provide you with confidence and a clarity of direction and decision-making. Knowledge without discernment can provide you with illusion, fantasy, and deception that can lead to intolerance. But with the increasing complexity of culture and economy which we are creating, more and more knowledge suffers for lack of relevancy. Much knowledge is contrived and deceptive for the purposes of economic, political, and even religious manipulation. I lived in the middle of a huge lie and did not know it.

Spiritual Guidance opened my eyes and my mind to find and see the truth, to uncover lies and deceptions, to experience the difference between human-based education and spiritually-based education. What should be on the curriculum in schools? Ask God. What should be on your personal curriculum? Ask God.

I could not have coped with or survived the experiences I have faced in every year since beginning to receive Guidance, if I had not had the Guidance. The learning has been intense and branched into areas of reality and knowledge that no one ever hinted to me as existing. If my Basic Personality is content by learning, the instruction provided by my Higher Self has it in ecstasy.

INTIMACY:
The most contented form of intimacy is to be able to freely give and receive pleasure. The greatest failure of intimacy is to have the opportunity for such experience fractured or destroyed by miscommunication, manipulation, deception, selfishness, abuse, and rejection. Spiritually, it is better not to have loved poorly, than to have loved out of compulsion, need, or fear. Yes, that is a difficult sentence.

Before Guidance, I loved obsessively because I felt unloved.
Everything was too much. I loved too much. I expected too much. I wanted too much. The passion of early love always seemed enough. But in the challenges of the world around me, it never was. Quality in the present was sacrificed through educated ignorance and rewarded career dominance in the expectation that the love begun in a more loosely confined courtship could survive a tightly bound work schedule. I informed myself more than most people I knew. What it took long and harsh experience to learn was that I could not learn for others, I could not make others like me, I could not control the perceptions of others, and, that despite the best of intentions I would sometimes make bad mistakes.

Following Guidance has saved me from making more mistakes in the area of intimacy. Bad intimacy is worse than no intimacy. Intimacy depends on two parties. You cannot do it all yourself. It only takes one to destroy a relationship. Guidance got me out of a bad marriage. My wife had become abusive. I assertively told her that if the abuse did not stop, I would leave. She could not stop it. I could not help her. I left. Better for both of us. There is no place for God in an abusive relationship.

Following Guidance resulted in a supremely challenging period in which I became intimately close with a person whom I wanted to marry, found out was an alcoholic, could not make a commitment. When she refused to try Balancing Therapy, refused to acknowledge her addiction, refused to see a problem in expecting me to support her addiction, refused to offer any hope of a future marital commitment, denied her co-dependent abusive relationships with other alcoholics --- I was Guided to leave. Her addiction would always come between me and my spiritual strength and Guidance. My experience with her exposed my sexual addiction by presenting the energy blocks associated and allowing me to release them. The pain was horrible. The freedom was worth it.

Guidance led to my connectedness with a woman to whom I became engaged. Within months, I became ill with colon cancer. Plans for the future disappeared. Guidance pulled me through the illness. By then, Guidance had me fully involved with the beginning of Project Earth. The decisions of others collapsed an optimistic financial future. She had experienced a balancing session and had seen it work miracles with a friend. For whatever her reasons, she was uninterested in knowing more or experiencing more of Balancing. I helped her with her career, with her expenses, with her residence.

Big decisions had to be made which could influence both of us. I asked for Guidance and suggested the result of it, several times to her. She denied the Guidance, made the decision, and suffers to this day for each one. When health, employment, and income challenges afflicted me, she remained supportive. My sexual feelings for her evaporated early on, an experience only explained many years later by mercury poisoning. I was Guided to take responsibility for my feelings and health and release her. I told her that she deserved someone who could love her as she deserved and that I would not stand in her way. We both learned that we could have a supportive male-female relationship without sexual overtones. The development could have been different, and positive in other ways.

I never expected to get my sex drive and appreciation back, but, following my Guidance, I did. Then, I did not expect to consider any intimate relationship until I became more stable in residence and lifestyle. That changed for awhile this last summer (2000). Following Guidance I met a person with a very similar Basic Personality. Following Guidance I offered to provide her with free Balancing sessions so her health and success could improve, while we were dating.

I was Guided that, if she chose, she could become a Balancing practitioner in her own right. She had two sessions to go and she put the brakes on. It was about that time that I discovered that she was seeing a psychiatrist regularly. Her social activism involvement suggested possibilities of her receiving social acknowledgement -- fame. Yet something was very wrong.

While this woman had the capability and opportunity to do wondrous things with Spiritual Guidance, her spiritual strength was not enough. Tainted by her mother's energy blocks and spiritually destructive mentoring, she was accustomed to being a victim. I could not help her more than she wanted help.

I could not make her life better for her, only assist her to make the improvements herself. I could see in her behavior and her speech a deception. She wanted to look as if she wanted to make a change, but, change was too hard. Better to let a man rescue her, clean up her place, pay her bills, treat her like a queen, ... not something I would do even if I had the resources. She had chosen to remain a failure. Failure was comfortable.

I was Guided to break off what had become a one way communication. It takes two to have a relationship work. It was an opportunity. A good opportunity. Guidance allowed me to participate in offering an opportunity to another with no strings attached. Leaving confirmed that no strings were attached. It was her life.

Guidance confirmed what I had come to know.
It is almost impossible for a Spiritually Guided winner to share an intimate life with a loser in spiritual denial. When I wasn't going to rescue her, my attraction for her faded. When she wasn't going to become a winner, her attractiveness for me could not grow.

In the interim times, God has Guided me to an active solitary life of intimacy. It isn't what I would most like but it is the best opportunity at the moment and under the conditions. My health deteriorated quickly at the beginning of August and with it my finances. It would be inappropriate for me to consider any intimate partnerships before those improve.

I would expect my partner to be an equal.
My Basic Personality has always demanded it. Perhaps for a different Basic Personality, there could be more flexibility. Mine is passionate. My intimate partner has to be passionate. Not just about sex or sensuality but about all of life. That includes appreciating and wanting to benefit from Spiritual Guidance.

MORBIDNESS:
Many people look at the Result as the determinant of Success/Failure or Benefit/Loss. Spiritually, you are known by your works, not your achievements. What you do tells others how you make your decisions and what is important to you. What you achieve simply acknowledges what others can see and value, and, what your Basic Personality values.

The Spiritually Guided person is Active by default for God always has work that needs to be done if the world is to be returned to the wholeness it began with. Ultimately, it is a question of sacrifice and reward. Not a sacrifice for some small Ego- or SuperEgo-centered goal. Rather, it is the sacrifice of both of those types of goal for that of a Spiritually led Goal.

Is it worth the effort.
Part of the answer is in the question, "Is humanity worth saving?"
Saving, because just letting it continue as it has is a guarantee of self-destruction. Nothing you or I do will save humanity. The best we can do is to improve the opportunities, choices, and awareness of a few others. That done, they can replicate the process to others. As more and more people benefit, so, faster and faster still others can benefit.

Obviously, to me, God believes the effort is worthy until humanity makes such an effort totally useless, until it destroys itself. God could just as easily have Guided me to destroy the infrastructure of North America. We believe this myth that Power automatically benefits the owner with Control. The reality is that power is a tool for change. If used, it can facilitate change, or, deter it. If change that is required is deterred, then the change necessary will be demanded and gained at a much higher price. Change is the destruction of the past in the present to build a new future. The past maintained without benefit rots the present and destroys the future.

In my life and through the Guidance I have received, God has gifted me with knowledge to improve my own life and health, and, to share that knowledge with others for their benefit. God could just as easily have Guided me to use knowledge and skills that I have to sabotage the natural gas, petroleum and oil distribution systems. Or to sabotage drinking water supplies, nuclear generating stations, expressways, factories, ....

When finished, Project Earth will reveal how individuals or individuals leading groups can, and will, attempt to do these things. Some will succeed. Many will die. It is not the Way of God. All of the Guidance I have received, and I have no expectation that the direction would be any different for any other person receiving Guidance, is on finding ways to help people live lives of spiritual benefit.

OVERVIEW:
There is a forest called a life.
If you look at the forest from a distance, you see how it changes over time and how it is vibrant, dying, or one or a combination of these periodically. If you look only at the individual representations within the forest, you never get a perspective of the nature of the whole but only as to whether each individual tree, bush and vine is getting what it needs when it needs it. In human reality this expands even further, because of the option of choice and consciousness, so is each entity getting what it wants when it wants it?

From a spiritual perspective, You don't own God and God doesn't owe you anything. God is the God of all. To the extent that we all elect to ask for and to follow Spiritual Guidance, to that extent there is peace, harmony, contentment, empathy, understanding, and self-responsibility in the world, and in our homes. History demonstrates that most people have not and are not doing this. So what would otherwise work out for those following Guidance often goes as far as the individual can take it, and then hesitates. The process hesitates, does not stop. If the level of Guided support changes and others contribute in a positive fashion, what has been begun may be reactivated and continues.

The Basic Personality of each individual following Spiritual Guidance does NOT get whatever it would like. If that were the case, Spiritual Guidance would be magic. No spiritual awareness or skills are required for magic. Indeed, magic is manipulative and predictable. Magic takes the free choices of other people and "makes" them do what they are supposed to do. It forces happiness, peace, prosperity, ... on them. The end result of such a stratagem is that the "controlled" persons would grow to hate and disrespect and desire to rebel against the tyrant Magician.

Following Guidance means finding, developing, and attempting to follow through on opportunities, each of which would contribute to the pleasure of each and every aspect of one's Basic Personality. The reality is that others who form part of that equation usually don't do their part, and the benefits fall short. That still leaves great and positive outcomes both in general and for specific characteristics of our Basic Personality. MOST of the time, many of the characteristics of my Basic Personality are frustrated --- so that the rewarding of still other characteristics is more ecstatic.

THE REALITY:
I hate living in a semi-permanent tiny space that I have to squeeze into.
I hate not being able to share my life intimately with another person.
I hate having to live what has been such a near end state of life.
I hate never having enough money to plan beyond the next few days.

Spiritually, this is all so what.
Did you expect to get all the benefits for nothing? In a spiritually dead society, did you expect others to encourage and support you? Get real! There are people much worse off. You have an opportunity they may never have, unless, you do your part. IF the benefits for me have been worth it, then it is time to share them with others. So, I concentrate on what I have, NOT on what I want.

I will be here for as long as God finds that there is something of value I can do, and, I choose to do it. In our secular idealistic world, that may sound harsh and callous. But that is only because of the presumption that there is no reality but this one, the physical. That is the expectation that any reward must come in this life. Spiritually, that is NOT the case. Rewards may and will come in this life as an extension of one's Guidance. Ultimate rewards may have to wait until one RETURNS to the reality of a spiritual existence, AFTER death. The stipulation of effectiveness is compassionate. God does not ask any of us to be where we can have no benefit, where our life would be meaningless and fruitless.

Since mid-August, my life has been once again extended.
I have followed my Guidance and I have accomplished much more than I would have expected to even with full health. It hasn't been easy. I have an illness that is in no medical manual. I am totally at the mercy of God as to how to literally survive each day. I haven't spoken openly about it as you have had enough to cope with yourself and why express concern when you know that nothing more can be done. But this is simply another example of what one may have to be willing to do, or, put up with, and get on with their mission.

Wednesday, October 11th, after a sudden and intense bout of diarrhoea, I began bleeding anally. I had a burning feeling in my intestines as I had not felt before. Like when you have a raw wound, a sensation between pain and burn. When I went to the bathroom, at first, I didn't know if I were going to pass stool, just blood, or both. Most times, blood was included to the point that the toilet bowl water was crimson.

It got worse.
The blood changed to blood and tissue squirted about the bowl. I had to clean down the toilet bowl thoroughly after each use so as not to alarm others. The small crimson pieces of jelly-like tissue stuck to the bowl and would not simply wash away with water. I was a little concerned. Should I contact a doctor? Guidance said No. Should I go to the hospital? Guidance said No. So, I relaxed and got on with what needed to be done.

Monday, October 16th, I went to see a specialist my General Practitioner had referred me to from September 28th, on an emergency basis, practically at my insistence. That day, I bled the most of any day before or since. By then I had learned to sense when I was going to bleed. There was a particular feeling. And a particular smell, like a woman's menstrual flow, from the toilet bowl before I looked. Before, at her office, and afterward, toilet bowls were crimson and splashed. I passed at least a cup of blood and tissue in the space of 4 hours. Again, I was guided not to tell the doctor or anyone else. Was I dying or recovering?

The next day, the bleeding mysteriously stopped.
Several days passed, no blood. Then again, it started. And the cycle has repeated several times since. Last Friday, before heading out to look at properties to move to on the Saturday, bleeding again. This time, possibly others as well, I passed a small pea-sized growth and a larger mass of blood and jelly-like tissue. I expected to be my usual tired self for much of the next day. Actually, I was fairly alert until almost home and much less tired than expected.

I know that it is reasonable to expect that cells, possibly tissue, would have to be replaced for my total recovery. I am Guided that such is happening. I also know from past experience that it would not be far reaching to find that mentioning such to the doctors would find me either in a psychiatric ward or on a list for eventual hospital stay. Neither would help. Being in the hospital would actually endanger my health more by exposing me to toxic forms of bacteria and virus I currently have little strength against.

I have been guided throughout this period not to expect to live much longer. Yet also, to be prepared to move. To my Basic Personality that possibly means something different than it would for yours. For me, it means keep up with the work you are Guided to do. Get it done! Do as much as you can. It also means that there are better times ahead --- in this reality, or the other. And God has certainly kept me busy. And, always to my surprise, like this letter, there have been articles to write, profiles to research, and changes to make that have made the Health Balance Package better and the publicity involved easier.

Don't get me wrong. It won't be easy, UNTIL you have learned the new skills you will need, and can learn. Then you will wonder what all the fuss was about that your consciousness will raise. Then you will wonder, how could you ever have done anything different!